Here's Episode 2 of "The Boyfriend Drinks a $5 Wine." Again, no editorial changes have been made to The Boyfriend's blog; this was all written exactly as is while drinking the wine. For today's blog, we've chosen a Nathanson Creek Chardonnay for $3.99 at Trader Joe's in Falls Church, Virginia.
The Boyfriend: I grabbed this one for $3.99 from Trader Joes, and I got an Asian stir fry kit (also under $5) to eat with it. The bottle has a frog on the label, so Maggie already doesn’t like it. Usually Trader Joe’s is a haven for good, cheap wine (just try Charles Shaw, affectionately known as Two-Buck Chuck, and you’ll agree). It looks just like any other bottle of wine, but with my experience last time makes it appear a bit…omenous.
The stir-fry is excellent. It has subtlenotes of ginger and… oh right, the wine. Maggie thinks I’m drunk already. I just tried opening the bottle without peeling off the foil. Open up, and in the glass!
Glass #1: 9:20pm. It's actually not bad. Thing of it is, it's not particularly good either, save for a little sour bite in the middle, this wine has practically no taste at all. That’s fine, I guess. I can handle it at least. And it compliments my dinner in the sort of way that the glass of ice water compliments your chinese food. I will give it this---its hot today. Very hot. This wine is quite refreshing.
Glass #2: 9:33pm. Goes down real easy. Maybe too easy.
Glass #3: 9:35pm. Maggie thinks it tastes like warm lipstick. The middle part is a bit sour. Crap, I was supposed to keep half of that stir fry for lunch tomorrow. Now I’m all full. Package says it serves four. What do they know? Oops.
I am still baffled by this wine’s taste. Maybe this is the answer frats have been looking for---plenty of alchol, very cheap, and no taste.
Maybe they fill the bottles up in the actual Nathanson Creek? Maybe they should make a “sport” version of the wine for athletes---with electrolytes of course. This stuff is…
Ugh.
Starting to taste bad.
That sour bit is starting to rear its ugly head, and without any stir fry to cleanse my pallet, or pallette, or pallit, or however you spell it, the sour tate just LINGERS. Blech. Pour me a glass of water, would you?
Glass #4: 9:45pm. Hey! Ok, ok. I’d better take it slow. It's only been 27 minutes. My facefeels numbish. Slow down. I’m really hot and sweaty now. I forgot that alchol is really bad at quenching thirst. Mybad. Slow down.
I’m trying to pour the wine around my tongue. Try it at home, I challenge you. It cannot be done. Maybe under. Ouch. Newermind. Maggie says I can’t puke on the carpet. What does she know anyway?
Maggie has taken away the bottle. She says I don’t need to finish it within a half hour. She really loves me. My back is sweaty, I’m taking off my shirt.
Ahh. That’s better. Now where’smy bottle of nathanbergshire creek>? Magggie says wait 15 minutes, so I’m gonna go lie down.
Maggie turned on Desperate Housewives so I’m back here. Let’s fill the last glass.
Glass #5: 10:05pm. Blowing into the bottle makes agreat low ship’s-horn sound. Perfect score for resonance. Not a bad bottle shape, either. No I am not stralling. An impotrant part of picking a goos wine is its aesthetic qualities. Ok, I’m stalling.
I wonder if the fifth glass will ever be easy. Just little sisps now. Almost done. Allllllmost. Allllllllmost. Damnit. There is still wine in my glass. Damnit. Ok, all in one gulp. And done. 10:25pm.
Drunken synopsis: 2 out of 10. If you are stuck with this wine, you should DEFINITELY drink this with food. If you don’t the taste, which seems innocuous at first, (I spelled innocuos right!) but only builds as you drink it. You’re not usually supposed to needa chaser for your wine, but maybe a glass of water would be a good idea with this one. Or, you know, don’t drink a whole bottle. You’d have to be an idiot to.
